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July 3, 2006 14:26 - 'And' and 'But'
Think of the number of times that handy little word 'but' crops up in your day. It's often quite a lot.
Let me get to the point quickly here. It irritates the person who you are saying the 'but' word to.
Because 'but' completely negates what has been said before it - thus demeaning their input (and not doing a whole lot for the relationships you are building either)!
Trying to change your use of 'but' (and 'although'; 'then again'; 'however' and any number of hidden and sneaky versions!) can be quite demanding. So start off by just noticing.
Once you notice, you will start to speak a little slower (not a bad thing in itself) and then you can introduce the occasional 'and' instead, thus building on, rather than destroying, what's been said before.
It is a remarkable tactic, that works even in written materials.
By the way, I personally fond this one of the hardest things to do, and so any success is a major one for me!
Don't drive yourself crazy over this! A little awareness and a gradual change is best.
You will notice a difference!
July 9, 2006 18:48 - KISS
Today is all about simplicity.
Often, when we are trying to build relationships with our people, we get all hung up on being outwardly open with them.
And we complicate things - a lot!
I was working with a bunch of clients this week, teaching some coaching tools. It struck me how challenging it is when you are starting out to keep on the simple side of simple.
It also struck me how challenging I find this for myself.
You may have heard all about those 'Six Wise Men'; the open questioning words starting with 'W'.
- Who?
-
What?
-
Where?
-
When?
-
Why?
-
How? - Well OK, not all starting with 'W'!
Building relationships well, means that you can afford to ask a focused, one-line question of people, starting with just one of these words. Helping them find out a lot about whatever it is you are talking about. See the key word here - help them find a lot about it - not you.
So try out starting a question with one of these little words, keep it short and snappy, and then shut up.
Leave your people to do the talking - they will! And they will love you listening to whatever they tell you. It makes them feel listened too and, more especially, truly heard.
And that builds the trust and relationship they have with you - which is just what you want. In fact it's a cornerstone of getting the best from people.
So take care to KISS this week!
July 11, 2006 23:02 - A Big Fierce Dog
I was working with a business client recently and we came to discuss how to overcome serious challenges in our work.
He shared with me the 'big fierce dog' concept, which is really easy to use and can instantly boost confidence in almost any situation.
Imagine you are in a room and you know outside the room there is a big, fierce dog. You have to leave the room, past the big, fierce dog.
If you were in that situation, what would you do? I guess you would prepare yourself for the dog (remember, big and fierce :-)), and ensure your survival.
I'm not going to start listing the options you have. To be sure, you would have a strong strategy and a success plan.
What's the big, fierce dog you are facing today? What can you do to prepare yourself to more than face it, to seriously succeed beyond your expectations?
You may prefer a different model to work with (it could be your mother or partner in a real steaming mood!) - no matter, getting psyched up to be able to succeed when you have a big, fierce dog ahead of you is all you need.
July 16, 2006 19:40 - Moaners Welcome
Who likes having a moaner giving them a hard time?
No-one, right?
Be aware that the absence of moaners is way, way worse!
Having your team at least be prepared to share with you what's not right is very valuable and says a lot of positive things about the culture in your organisation.
If it wasn't coming out to you personally, then it would be bottled up, whispered in hushed conversations and gossip. And would then come out like a torrent, when outsiders opened the floodgates.
And that's not good, because there is little you can fix then. You aren't in the loop.
So, how to find out what's winding your people up.
It's easier than you might think - you ask them!
There are some ground rules you need to know:-- Accept all contributions - it is real for some people and this is not the time to debate the right and wrong of what you receive.
- Show you are paying attention.
- Respond to everything with a follow up.
- Be prepared to find out from your people the solutions they think would work (this changes those moaners into very valuable contributors).
- Constructively act on everything you find out.
- Share the findings openly.
- Do it again and again at reasonable and regular intervals.
- Accept personal accountability to ensure things change, including yourself - the trickiest and most rewarding bit.
This way those people who stand up to be counted in your organisation feel valued and wanted - and that will take you forward.
Two final words on moaners. Firstly, start off valuing them, they can be useful and their energy can be utilised as an asset. Secondly, just one or two moaners become acidic and are not prepared to work on progress - they just get their fun from moaning. Sometimes it's time to let them go off and moan somewhere else.
Last week, I shared with you about simplicity and used the 'KISS' mnemonic, without sharing with you what it meant!> So here goes:-
K eep
I t
S hort
and
S imple
Big thanks to those friends who reminded me!
July 18, 2006 07:51 - Chip Off the Old Block Eh?
The call came at 7.15am. Not a day I was working. Still a little sleepy, my daughter explained that she'd left her bike lock at home and could someone bring it down by 7.30.
Of course someone could!
With kids, however old you are, you go into fix it, fatherly or motherly mode and just do what you can.
You expect no regonition for the hero you are being. You simply do it.
So, hastily pulling enough clothes on to be decent, I rushed down to her workplace and met her there. She thanked me and gave a quick peck on the cheek and was off.
Not before she said, "Not to worry, I have a contingency plan if it happens again".
It's what I teach - plan it, do it and then review it - and ensure that next time, things work out for the better from the learning that you have absorbed.
That's my girl!
July 20, 2006 18:18 - We're All Different - Appreciating it is Another Thing
A friend lent me 'City of Angels'. Sadly it took me ages to watch it and I did, finally get round to it last night.
Since I almost always love anything that Meg Ryan is in, I'm surprised that I didn't watch it sooner - maybe it was Nick Cage (who I'm not so fond of - and I konow others are, so read on!).
It's a rather odd film and, well, quite spooky actually. Maybe others find it less so, and that is the gist of the blog on this hot evening in Gloucester.
Picking up a pear in the market and starting to eat it, Cage (Seth), who plays someone from the afterlife, who, atypically, is seen by Ryan (Maggie), a normal human, says:-
Seth: What's that like? What's it taste like? Describe it like Hemingway.
Maggie: Well, it tastes like a pear. You don't know what a pear tastes like?
Seth: I don't know what a pear tastes like to you.
Maggie: Sweet, juicy, soft on your tongue, grainy like a sugary sand that dissolves in your mouth. How's that?
Seth: It's perfect.
The thing that captured my attention was a fundamental one for those of us who interact, day in day out, with others (and, folks, that means everyone...)
'I don't know what a pear tastes like to you', is what he says.
Each of us has our own take on what experiences mean. We know what a pear tastes like, or green is, for example.
Yet we don't have the faintest clue about what these are to others at all. How could we?
It's their experience, not ours.
In life, our assumptions play tricks on us all the time. And lead to trouble in relationships. We assume that others make decisions, judgements, taste pears and see green just like we do.
Truth is they may, or may not - we just don't know. Assuming they do, in a whole host of things is dangerous and creates trouble.
As they say, 'Don't assume - it makes an ASS of you and an ASS of me'
July 21, 2006 21:35 - Thanks for Something
I've waxed lyrical (where does that phrase come from?) over the time I've been working with managers, that just a simple "Thank you", makes a lot of difference.
Are you ready to up the stakes a little?
Thing is, that this "Thank you" thing works a lot better if you thank for something specific.
"Thank you for the help on the Dixon proposal"
"Thank you for the help with that difficult customer"
"Thank you for your time getting to bottom of the stock shortage today"
...all much better than a generic "Thank you", good as it is on it's own (and, I hasten to add, still far better than no recognition at all).
Let's just up it a notch or two eh?
July 23, 2006 22:23 - Dyb - Dyb - Dyb
Don't be afraid - all will become clear!
Remember when you were in the Boy or Girl Scouts? It was a little saying certainly the scouts had:-
"Dyb, dyb, dyb. Do Your Best
We'll Dob, dob, dob - do our best"
Now we hope, first of all, that each of us (yep, I'm talking to you!) does our best' each and every day - in our own way.
Yet how do we view the contribution of our people? Do we believe that they are each 'doing their very best' every day that they show up for work?
It would be easy to say that sometimes we did not believe that they do this for us.
What would it be like if every one of those who work for and with us 'Dyb-Dyb'd and Dob -Dob'd' every day.
How would you feel about them if they told you they are doing their very best, despite what you might think, eh?
Most people want to do their best, pretty well most of the time. So what can you do to help their best = your needs, even more in the future.
You can ask what they need from you (resources, support, encouragement, coaching, training etc.); you can ask them what part of their job they love and give them more of it; you can see to it that the things that get in their way of being their best, are quickly removed.
Being a boss is all about smoothing the way for your people to do their best every day.
Then everyone's fulfilled and you will be surprised at the difference it makes just recognising that your people are making their best efforts, pretty well all of the time.
July 25, 2006 09:54 - Hovering Nastily
I'm on the Chippenham to M4 dual carriageway. Last Tuesday lunchtime. Radio on. Mentally, miles away - as you do.
About 300 metres to the left of me on the inside lane there's a big white truck carrying eggs (as I found out afterwards). Suddenly, the trailer on the back of the truck is all over the road.
Miraculously, nothing is damaged and seconds later my view is back to what it was originally - except my heart is pounding at double the rate (and maybe a few of the eggs are cracked!).
I get to the M4 junction and as I'm going to meet someone in Cheltenham, I carry on towards Cirencester. The big truck is still behind me after I cross the roundabout.
It's like one of those scary movies, with the big, anonymous truck following and I'm constantly looking over my shoulder, so to speak, to make sure I'm well ahead - after all, it's had one lucky escape already, two of them are less likely.
In fact, I can't overtake anyone and the truck and I are gripped in this see-saw relationship as I try to keep my distance and he, seemingly, keeps trying to catch me up, eggs, swervy stuff and all.
I now know what it's like to have someone hovering, trying to catch you out.
It's scary, anxiety-riddled and no fun at all.
Next time I'm micro-managing someone, I'll remember what I felt like.
July 26, 2006 12:22 - Finding Out More with the Baloo Guy
Writing some course notes for a coaching programme at the moment, I was a bit puzzled by a little poem I heard ages ago.
Search as I could, whatever words (and order) I used, I couldn't 'Google' it and get the detail I needed.
Eventually I found it!
In conversation with your people, with friends and indeed anyone, as long as you leave enough time for them to get a good reply in between using them, these will enable you to find out and align yourself much more with others.
And that ease of building relationships, with anyone, will make a huge difference to your life and eveyone you come into contact with.
I am reminded of 'How to Win Friends and Influence People', by Dale Carnegie when I share the little poem below.
Enjoy!
"I keep six honest serving men:
They taught me all I knew:
Their names are What and Why and When
and How and Where and Who"
Rudyard Kipling - the 'Just So Stories'
July 30, 2006 19:30 - Personal USP
Who are you? Or rather, what is the essence of who you are in the role you play in your business? And even more particularly, what it your personal Unique Selling Point that you bring to your role.
The way to test this is to recognise the parts of your role that you truly love and also, on the other hand, the things that are bottom of your list to do each week.
The reason this is of value, is that if you focus more of your time where you get the greatest business pleasure and leverage that, you will bring much more value than if you try harder at the things you struggle with.
A ball rolling down a hill is way easier to speed up than one being pushed up a hill.
This week, try noticing more the things you are really enjoying and try to find more of the same.
When it's a chore, consider who in your team is great at those things and would welcome more of the same.
Swapping over will bring huge value overall - for everyone.
Note, if you find that there is a very particular element of your role that you really enjoy and much of it you don't, maybe you need to consider a career change - you can always contact me via e-mail to create a time to discuss.
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