Ah, Building Self Confidence – some would say this is the Holy Grail of evolving your people, your business and, of course, yourself, into really what you have to offer.
Because the challenges we all have with self-confidence can be overcome, with the potential and resources we already have.
You see, they say the human brain is only used to around 3% of it’s capacity.
So, thinking of all we are able to accomplish with that 3%, just think of what we could do, if we had a way to harness just a little more.
In Building Self Confidence you will find some help her in how to get more from your people, and yourself.
“Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are.”
Malcolm S. Forbes
Top Ten Things About Building Self Confidence
The trouble is, that being so close to it, i.e. inside our own brains, we see a very different picture about what we have been able to, and are in the future able to accomplish. We see it from the inside, where lurks a whole chunk of fear, inadequacy and insecurity.
Yet whilst this has been a natural evolution of our lives to date, it doesn’t have to stay this way. There are things that can be done to help with Building Self Confidence. To keep perspective and keep in context.
The very best at Building Self Confidence…
- Keep Perspective
By understanding really well the context and perspective of things that go wrong and, just as importantly, things that go well, these people are able to feel better about their achievements and performance, more of the time.
- Find the Positives
In everything they do, they see the ‘half-full glass rather than the half-empty’. They are able to see ‘what went well’ much more than what went wrong. If some parts of what they did were not as good as they might have wished, they see it as a learning opportunity and create ways to get better next time.
- Recognise their ‘Gremlins’
Fears, doubts, worries. They are all there for a reason. To protect you from failure and disappointment. So by acknowledging them, the best at dealing with the ‘Gremlins’ say, ‘Hi and thank you’, when they pop up in their minds. And them park these little challenges somewhere out of the way in their mind. ‘Gremlins’ are a good thing, they are your friends – treat them well, and appropriately.
- Accept Praise
Ever had a little internal doubt when someone says, ‘Thank You’ or ‘Well Done’ or gives you other praise. Most people do. Those who are best at Building Self Confidence accept positive comment about them with good grace. They recognise that those who are saying something great about them mean it! And that, however challenging it is internally, those great, positive and encouraging words really are true. This is a wonderful step forward, to accept the positive judgements of others.
- Set Realistic Goals
By setting themselves up to succeed, the true exponents of this are much more likely to feel good about themselves. They have developed tactics which mean they can’t fail! How? By managing their own expectations of themselves. They make sure that the goals they set themselves, or they agree with others are achievable! Is this a bizarre idea or what? Many of us, for a raft of different reasons, set ourselves horribly tough and unrealistic goals. The best at Building Self Confidence decide to only agree with themselves what is do-able, be it in an hour, in a day, week or a longer period. Then that winning means their confidence grows. It is a subtle, yet powerful discipline.
- Do What They Love
Whilst it might be a pipe-dream to only do what we love, per se, there are many things, without throwing up the whole of your world, that can help here. Within your current day, there are things you love to do and those you hate to do. Noticed that? Well, maybe, just maybe, you could manoeuvre it to do more of those enjoyable things? Colleagues have different ‘loves’ in their work, so the best at this swap around! Managers delegate those areas where their weaknesses are. They recognise that they have gaps in their skills, so they work around it.
- Manage Their Work
Yet, if, after all the effort to make a job or even other areas of your life work, they just don’t – decide to change. The best at Building Self Confidence get over the hurdle of sticking with what makes them unhappy – however challenging making a break can be – to doing it. By moving on. Even if it doesn’t seem possible in the short-term, they have a timescaled plan to make changes in their career, their lives. That makes their confidence soar.
- Understand Others
By recognising that others around them come from different places and have significantly different views on the world, our stars at Building Self Confidence step back from the seeming negative judgements of others, which can be very damaging if self-confidence is fragile. So they see it as an issue for the giver of such negativity – and not for them, the recipients, By reframing this potential damage, it is far easier to handle and leave their growing self-confidence intact.
- Motivate Themselves and Others
On a score out of ten, the best confidence builders are able to look in the mirror each morning and see the value they add to their work, their colleagues and their lives. They give themselves a TEN! More, they see their interactions with others as ‘magic wands’ where they can shine constructive and very positive light on the achievements, abilities and potential of others around them. They are powerful in their environment and they use this skill for the good of themselves and others they touch.
- Celebrate Success
By seeing that they are doing a great job, or living a great life, the best at this recognise it and celebrate. Whether it’s a quiet beer on their own, or a joyful trip. Whether it’s a reflection-time analysis on the successes of the day or a gathering of employees once a month, the best are the best at leveraging successes – and this raises the bar for future growth in their own and others self-confidence.
Top Ten Ways to Get Better at Building Self Confidence
- Recognise Successes
If you look at your day and find there seems to have been little that went well, think again. Try writing three successes, however small, each evening. Trust me, try this for a week to start with and write them down in your evening. You will be amazed at just what you have achieved.
- Help Others
From time to time in your everyday life, you will come across people who you can help. You can ‘make a difference’, however small. Do this often. You need not ‘bask’ in the glory of your success, but do recognise in yourself some good you have done.
- Keep Perspective
By seeing the big picture, you get a better view on what you are achieving. And most of it is actually quite good. Reflect on what others see in you – ask them even. Use the phrase, ‘What do you receive from me when we work together’. You will be very pleasantly surprised.
- Do Small Things
Make the world a slightly better place. Do things around your environment. Tidy things; clear away; pick up litter; help stray dogs; wipe a child’s eye when they fall. Little things make for the great person you are. And this helps you build your own self-belief and confidence.
- Look for Enjoyment
When you do things that are truly fun and enjoyable, you are in your best place. Recognising how you feel when you are in ‘the flow’, is half the battle. You are best in that place. Revel in appreciating that feeling! Enjoy it more often.
- Look at Yourself
Watching yourself is a great exercise. Same day, with your work experiences, just relive them as if you are watching yourself from the sidelines. You will be first fascinated and amazed at what you see. A vital, positive, more-then-coping useful member of work; society; gatherings; family and more. See yourself from time to time in those places. It will astound you.
- Think ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’
We all make a difference. We all make a positive difference. Make no mistake about it. James Stewart showed this gloriously in the film, ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’. Rent it, buy it, watch it from time to time when you feel you don’t matter. You do – and you will never know how much.
- Find Nature
Take yourself off and spend some time in nature. It is the best place to find yourself and to calm those times of self-doubt. True, it is a journey, but in nature it is more mellow, more joyous. Try it!
- Ask for Help
If you are struggling, ask for someone else to help you. Trust me! They will love it that you have asked. They will love it. And within that, you develop your skills, they help you and understand you better. The relationship evolves. Not to mention that you get better at an area of your life where you were struggling.
- Listen to Others
Hear what others say about you and believe the good. The less than good is more about them anyway. But do ‘hear’ what people get from you. Instead of rejecting praise and thanks, just try to appreciate it, and the giver for the wonderful thing it is.
Five Simple Actions You Can Take Today
- See the positives and good that you do. Look for it, seek it out and although (especially if you are a modest Brit) respect yourself for the qualities you have.
- Start a ‘Positives Diary’. Each night take 15 minutes max to write down 3-5 things that have been successes during your day. Even small successes are good to recall.
- Find the positives in others and share them with them. This really fine tunes your own ability to notice positives in yourself.
- Consider aspects of your life where you feel more successful. What is it about those areas that help you accept your qualities? How are you better at appreciating yourself there than other places?
- Who can you ‘share praise’ with? Think of two or three people who you can use the question in 3 above. Then look for three more. Offer the service back to them.
Read some great books like:-
The Little Book of Confidence – Susan Jeffers
Increasing Confidence (Essential Lifeskills) – Philippa Davies
How to Stop Worrying and Start Living – Dale Carnegie